It is Okay to NOT be Okay

It is no secret that one of the biggest challenges I face in my life is a constant battle with depression.
When I was going through my darkest time, during the two and a half years after the birth of my daughter, I was locked in a daily internal struggle.  I didn't feel like I was good enough and I didn't allow myself to show that I was feeling anything other than happy.  I thought I always had to be strong and never show my true emotions.  Showing those emotions meant I was weak and meant there was something wrong with me.  That is the world I was trapped in.

True, that time was over 5 years ago, but the battle continues for me daily.  Each and every day I have to remind myself that I am worth it, that it is okay to ask for help, and most of all, it is okay to let others know that I feel something other than happy all the time.

I have a pretty great life.  I was raised by two amazing parents.  I have wonderful siblings and in-laws who help bring balance and perspective into my life.  I have been blessed with the most amazing husband in the world and 6 spectacular children (1 of whom watches us from heaven).  Also, the greatest nieces and nephews a woman could ask for!  I have been taught from the day I was born about God's love for me and how beautiful the knowledge of eternal families is.  Yes, I have a really great life. 

One thing I learned after I came out of that dark time in my life is that it is okay to NOT be okay.  Even though overall life is pretty great and I have all these amazing blessings, it is okay to have a down day.  When I allow myself a day of being sad because my husband had to leave town for a week for work, I am able to pull myself together after a reasonable time and everything is fine.  I have learned it is okay if I get upset when my kids break something that is important to me.  No, I shouldn't pout and yell about it, but it is okay to be upset and not hide it.  I have these emotions for a reason and it isn't healthy to try and hide them.

Life is a roller coaster ride and we all have our ups and downs.  The key is not getting stuck in the down moments.  Looking up always gives me hope.  Trying to find the light in the midst of all the darkness is not always easy, but with a hope that you will see it again held in your heart, it does eventually appear. 

So allow yourself to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, or whatever.  Just don't let those feelings control you.  Express them and then move on.  It is okay to NOT be okay every once in a while. It doesn't make you a horrible person if you happen to have a day when you just aren't feeling what everyone else expects you to feel. 

Not What I Went Looking For

I have just begun yet another journey of self discovery and understanding.  It actually started out with me wanting to bring a little more peace into our home.  My 5 munchkins have been getting rather irritated with each other lately and it was getting hard to keep some semblance of order around here.  The tension was so thick some days I swear it could be felt before ever entering our home.

Well, I have a friend who kept posting these quotes from a blog about child whispering, here.  There was a lot that was resonating with me from this blog and I have seen Carol Tuttle's books mentioned before as well.  So, I decided to use the benefits of my Amazon Prime membership and see if I could "borrow" her book, The Child Whisperer.  Sure enough, it is available through their lending library, and so I decided to see what it is all about.  What I have discovered has completely changed everything...in a really good way!  :-)

Keep in mind that this is all really, really new to me.  Yet, in just a couple of weeks I am already noticing a huge difference in our home.  I am also becoming self aware about things that I never thought about before.  The way it is approached really is geared towards a person discovering for themselves how they naturally approach life.  Also, it is freeing and it helps you to realize that the way you naturally do things is wonderful, because it is who you are. 

I think the thing I like about it most is that she celebrates each "type" of person.  That each approach (or energy as she calls it) is wonderful.  Each way is necessary in life.  If we come to recognize and appreciate them in others, we can learn to allow people to be who the are. 

She doesn't give people a pass as far as the excuse, "Well, that is just who I am."  No, no, no!  More it is a tool to help you understand why you may approach things or handle things the way you do.  Again, self discovery.  :-)

Her books and website mentions 4 types (Type 1, Type 2, Type3, and Type 4).  Simple enough to remember for someone like me.  :-)  Type 1 is the vibrant, buoyant type, Type 2 is calming, gentle type, Type 3 is determined, get'r done type, and Type 4 is thoughtful, bold.  You can sign-up for her free course here if you want more details (or borrow either The Child Whisperer or It's Just My Nature from the library. :-)

I have discovered that I am a Type 2 and that is absolutely wonderful!  I am coming to realize that things I looked at as a weakness in me, really are my strengths.  I have been comparing myself with other people who approach things differently.  Feeling less than wonderful because I figured there was something wrong with me because I didn't handle things the same way or as well as someone else. 

I am coming to find out that it is okay if I see things differently and it is okay if others do also. We need each other to get through this crazy thing called life.  This journey to understanding my and my family's role here on earth is an ongoing process but, I am so grateful that I have found this new tool to help me in the process.