It is Okay to NOT be Okay

It is no secret that one of the biggest challenges I face in my life is a constant battle with depression.
When I was going through my darkest time, during the two and a half years after the birth of my daughter, I was locked in a daily internal struggle.  I didn't feel like I was good enough and I didn't allow myself to show that I was feeling anything other than happy.  I thought I always had to be strong and never show my true emotions.  Showing those emotions meant I was weak and meant there was something wrong with me.  That is the world I was trapped in.

True, that time was over 5 years ago, but the battle continues for me daily.  Each and every day I have to remind myself that I am worth it, that it is okay to ask for help, and most of all, it is okay to let others know that I feel something other than happy all the time.

I have a pretty great life.  I was raised by two amazing parents.  I have wonderful siblings and in-laws who help bring balance and perspective into my life.  I have been blessed with the most amazing husband in the world and 6 spectacular children (1 of whom watches us from heaven).  Also, the greatest nieces and nephews a woman could ask for!  I have been taught from the day I was born about God's love for me and how beautiful the knowledge of eternal families is.  Yes, I have a really great life. 

One thing I learned after I came out of that dark time in my life is that it is okay to NOT be okay.  Even though overall life is pretty great and I have all these amazing blessings, it is okay to have a down day.  When I allow myself a day of being sad because my husband had to leave town for a week for work, I am able to pull myself together after a reasonable time and everything is fine.  I have learned it is okay if I get upset when my kids break something that is important to me.  No, I shouldn't pout and yell about it, but it is okay to be upset and not hide it.  I have these emotions for a reason and it isn't healthy to try and hide them.

Life is a roller coaster ride and we all have our ups and downs.  The key is not getting stuck in the down moments.  Looking up always gives me hope.  Trying to find the light in the midst of all the darkness is not always easy, but with a hope that you will see it again held in your heart, it does eventually appear. 

So allow yourself to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, or whatever.  Just don't let those feelings control you.  Express them and then move on.  It is okay to NOT be okay every once in a while. It doesn't make you a horrible person if you happen to have a day when you just aren't feeling what everyone else expects you to feel.