This afternoon, after church, I sat down and watched one of my all time favorite movies (Phantom of the Opera). Every time I watch it, it reminds me of my freshman year of high school band. That was one amazing year! I love the power and emotion from that music and it reaches a part of me that not much else does. Shoot, I just LOVE great music, but I especially love music that makes me feel all those emotions that I keep bottled up. How often do you get to feel anger, frustration, fear, passion, desperation and love within the span of only 2 hours?!
Think about it, think about the emotions that come forth when you hear the Star Wars score, the song from Ice Castles or Amazing Grace. Music is so powerful and it is one of the most amazing memory tapping tools out there. Is there a song or songs that brings forth intense emotions for you? If you are missing something inside I say immerse yourself in the music that helps to bring you alive...it is amazing how quickly it can change what is happening inside of you.
I came to the realization the other day that for two people who love music as much as Terry and I do, we sure don't have it going enough around here! I guess I have something I need to work on because I want my kids to have a passion for music, just as we do. Boy, it is embarrassing to realize that I have neglected such an important part of their upbringing!! :-\ Well, there is no time like the present to remedy the situation. :-) So everyone, go listen to some music and enjoy the memories!!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
What is Beautiful?
I wasn't sure I was going to share this but I feel like I should. So, for all of you who take the time to read this I hope you enjoy...at the most I hope you don't laugh at me. :-P
I just finished reading the 2nd chapter of "Body Clutter" and it has posed some questions/situations to the reader and I am going to attempt to answer them.
~ "What is your image of beautiful?"
Now if you are talking about my ultimate image of beautiful I would say a meadow surrounded by trees with mountains in the background and a stream running through it. Also a soft cool breeze making the leaves of the trees dance. A quiet, peaceful setting where someone can go to think and feel close to God. That is my ultimate image of beautiful.
However, if we are talking about my thoughts on a beautiful body/person what I think of doesn't really apply to looks. A vibrant smile on a person who holds herself with confidence but mostly shows kindness and love to all the people around her. I see an inner beauty that reflects on anything and everything she does.
This realization kind of surprised me in some ways. I guess mainly because I am trying to overcome my weight issues right now and so I thought it would be focused more on the outward. Maybe this shows me what I really want to work on...what I really want for myself.
~ The next thing to do is to list the diet schemes that I have tried, how I did with them and how I felt about them.
I haven't really ever done any diet schemes. The main thing I do is stop eating the things I shouldn't be eating and up exercising...especially doing more outside. I think that is why I have had such a hard time getting the weight off is mainly because I just wasn't eating what I should or eating consistently and also I haven't been consistent with my exercises. Really no secret formula, just need to stay on top of taking care of my body.
~ Now I am supposed to go back to my teenage years and write down what I remember about my weight.
Boy oh boy, now this is a long story...a roller coaster of a ride really. I think I first remember really beginning to gain weight when I was about 13 or 14. I was kind of chubby before that but it didn't really seem important to me. I do remember going to stay with my sister, Mary during the summer when I was 13 and I lost a lot of weight during that time. Yet, when I came back home I put it back on pretty quickly.
I heard about my weight gain all the time from my family and of course what did that do but cause me to lean on the food more. I felt alone in young women's and just downright awkward, which pretty much every person does at that age. Food was my friend, it really was. I felt rejected from every angle but the food never rejected me and so I clung to it. When I was about 15 or 16 I worked really hard to lose weight and I went from the deplorable size of 22 down to a 14. Let me tell you I felt amazing! I have this memory of putting on one of my size 22 pants, after losing the weight and just having them fall to the ground. I had to tell people about it because I was so excited. I never got up to a 22 again but I still had fluctuations with my weight all through the rest of high school.
When I left home to go to New York to be a nanny I was at a size 16 and while I was there I was eating right and exercising every day. I felt amazing and I had so much energy. I really began to find myself and loved every second of the journey (even when it was painful). When I came home a year later I was down to like a size 12 and I felt so good about myself...physically, spiritually, emotionally. I was really in a good place.
A few months after I came back home I met Terry and with our whirlwind courtship and marriage, things just were amazing. Again, I was working a lot and I ended up losing even more weight, so that when I got married I was actually down to a 184 pounds and at about a size 10/11. Yes, I really felt good about myself.
Entering into my adulthood the weight gain stems from my pregnancy with Jackson. I gained 60 lbs and have never lost it in almost 13 years. At my worst weight I got up to 286 pounds (that is how big I was after Jonny was born) and I was ecstatic when I lost down to 245 at some point after Andrew was born. I had pretty much been maintaining that weight for about 6 + years until a few months ago.
I know I weigh less now but I am honestly afraid to buy a scale and find out just how much. I am no longer in a size 20 and the size 18s are getting loose. I just keep praying that I can get this weight under control and become so much healthier than I am. The one thing I like right now is that I can look in the mirror and not gag at the reflection...I almost feel pretty again.
I think the one thing I like about the way I am doing it is that I am not trying to find some quick fix. I am watching what I am eating, exercising and trying to find balance in my life. This is not something I can conquer in one day, but hopefully I can keep putting one step in front of the other each and every day as I pray for the strength to keep going. This is not an easy journey but this is a journey I need to take. When I first started I was doing it for my kids, now I am doing this for myself as well. I am 33 years old and I should be feeling on top of the world, not lying in bed wondering if I can stand to get up and face the day. I don't want that life anymore...I deserve better!!
I just finished reading the 2nd chapter of "Body Clutter" and it has posed some questions/situations to the reader and I am going to attempt to answer them.
~ "What is your image of beautiful?"
Now if you are talking about my ultimate image of beautiful I would say a meadow surrounded by trees with mountains in the background and a stream running through it. Also a soft cool breeze making the leaves of the trees dance. A quiet, peaceful setting where someone can go to think and feel close to God. That is my ultimate image of beautiful.
However, if we are talking about my thoughts on a beautiful body/person what I think of doesn't really apply to looks. A vibrant smile on a person who holds herself with confidence but mostly shows kindness and love to all the people around her. I see an inner beauty that reflects on anything and everything she does.
This realization kind of surprised me in some ways. I guess mainly because I am trying to overcome my weight issues right now and so I thought it would be focused more on the outward. Maybe this shows me what I really want to work on...what I really want for myself.
~ The next thing to do is to list the diet schemes that I have tried, how I did with them and how I felt about them.
I haven't really ever done any diet schemes. The main thing I do is stop eating the things I shouldn't be eating and up exercising...especially doing more outside. I think that is why I have had such a hard time getting the weight off is mainly because I just wasn't eating what I should or eating consistently and also I haven't been consistent with my exercises. Really no secret formula, just need to stay on top of taking care of my body.
~ Now I am supposed to go back to my teenage years and write down what I remember about my weight.
Boy oh boy, now this is a long story...a roller coaster of a ride really. I think I first remember really beginning to gain weight when I was about 13 or 14. I was kind of chubby before that but it didn't really seem important to me. I do remember going to stay with my sister, Mary during the summer when I was 13 and I lost a lot of weight during that time. Yet, when I came back home I put it back on pretty quickly.
I heard about my weight gain all the time from my family and of course what did that do but cause me to lean on the food more. I felt alone in young women's and just downright awkward, which pretty much every person does at that age. Food was my friend, it really was. I felt rejected from every angle but the food never rejected me and so I clung to it. When I was about 15 or 16 I worked really hard to lose weight and I went from the deplorable size of 22 down to a 14. Let me tell you I felt amazing! I have this memory of putting on one of my size 22 pants, after losing the weight and just having them fall to the ground. I had to tell people about it because I was so excited. I never got up to a 22 again but I still had fluctuations with my weight all through the rest of high school.
When I left home to go to New York to be a nanny I was at a size 16 and while I was there I was eating right and exercising every day. I felt amazing and I had so much energy. I really began to find myself and loved every second of the journey (even when it was painful). When I came home a year later I was down to like a size 12 and I felt so good about myself...physically, spiritually, emotionally. I was really in a good place.
A few months after I came back home I met Terry and with our whirlwind courtship and marriage, things just were amazing. Again, I was working a lot and I ended up losing even more weight, so that when I got married I was actually down to a 184 pounds and at about a size 10/11. Yes, I really felt good about myself.
Entering into my adulthood the weight gain stems from my pregnancy with Jackson. I gained 60 lbs and have never lost it in almost 13 years. At my worst weight I got up to 286 pounds (that is how big I was after Jonny was born) and I was ecstatic when I lost down to 245 at some point after Andrew was born. I had pretty much been maintaining that weight for about 6 + years until a few months ago.
I know I weigh less now but I am honestly afraid to buy a scale and find out just how much. I am no longer in a size 20 and the size 18s are getting loose. I just keep praying that I can get this weight under control and become so much healthier than I am. The one thing I like right now is that I can look in the mirror and not gag at the reflection...I almost feel pretty again.
I think the one thing I like about the way I am doing it is that I am not trying to find some quick fix. I am watching what I am eating, exercising and trying to find balance in my life. This is not something I can conquer in one day, but hopefully I can keep putting one step in front of the other each and every day as I pray for the strength to keep going. This is not an easy journey but this is a journey I need to take. When I first started I was doing it for my kids, now I am doing this for myself as well. I am 33 years old and I should be feeling on top of the world, not lying in bed wondering if I can stand to get up and face the day. I don't want that life anymore...I deserve better!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)