I think I can...possibly!

I am in the middle of one of those moments when I want to just hide myself from everything and everyone around me.  The kids have been bouncing off the walls for the last 2 hours and my sweetheart walked into the house feeling horrible and so his tolerance for things is not the greatest right now.  I have honestly been having flashbacks to the horrors of days when he worked for Impressive, when he came home stressed out every day.

It doesn't help any that my thyroid has been out of whack the last few days.  I have been taking my meds like I should but I just keep crashing all the time.  I have had to actually increase my dosage to 3x's a day, rather than the 1x I usually have to do.  No worries, I use a herbal medication (since synthetic drugs don't like my body) and so I have a little more leeway.  I have been using these drops for 2+ years now and usually they work great...hopefully I will get leveled out soon!

There seems to be a lot of trials happening to my extended family and that has me worried.  Trent (my nephew) and Amanda (my niece) are both experiencing health issues that have their parents and all the family on our knees.  I just keep praying that the respective doctors can find the answers needed to help.  Trent is having seizures and Amanda is having constant migranes.  They are both still in the major growth period of their lives, I keep hoping it is something tied to that and it will all level out the way it needs to.  Mostly, I pray that their parents will be comforted, especially Trent's.  Their family has already been through so much.  I know their faith will stay strong but I also know that going through the refiners fire is the hardest part of life and I would like to see them have a chance to have a break from their fire for a while.

I miss my Momma, a lot!  We have been gone now for a little over a month and there are times when I feel so homesick.  I have my munchkins and sweetheart with me but yet I still feel homesick for the Gila Valley.  Vernal is beautiful and the people here are wonderful, I just miss home.  I know I will get over this soon and seeing Terry so happy and the kids so happy really does bring me joy.  I am just having a hard time finding my niche.  They are out doing and meeting people, I am here at home left with my thoughts.  That is a dangerous thing for a person like me who already thinks too much. 

Honestly, there are days when I am surrounded by my family and yet I feel completely alone.  I turn to my Heavenly Father and my Savior, they are always there to listen to my ramblings, that helps get me through the day. 

I wish I knew how to get my depressive nature to turn off at times.  I believe it is Satan's greatest tool against me.  I am so blessed and there are times when I feel so peaceful and joyful, yet it doesn't seem to last.  Isn't it amazing how quickly the good can be pushed out by the bad?!  Thank goodness for my testimony...I would have done something horrible a long time ago if I didn't have the knowledge that I have of who I am and where I want to be.  I know in time I will once again be able to see the wonders and blessings that surround me.  Right now I will keep praying, going to the Temple, reading my scriptures and trying to do what the Lord would have me do.  If I keep doing those things this cloud I am living under will lift and I will see the light again.

Despite my inner struggles, I do know that Heavenly Father is with me.  He has blessed our family so greatly and I can't deny that we are where we need to be and we wouldn't have made it this far without His help.  I am so grateful for Terry's new job and seeing the joy he has in his work.  I am grateful for the new schools that the kids are in.  They are all so happy and progressing so well.  I just can't believe how blessed we are!

~Sarah