You know, I look around me and I can see just how blessed I really am and yet I tend to take those blessings for granted. Have you ever done that? Like, right now I have all 5 of my kids home, as well as my DH. Yet instead of playing a game with them or going for a family walk or something of that nature I am sitting here writing on my blog and frustrated beyond belief of every little thing my kids do.
Each and every day I am so blessed and I wonder how often I miss those blessings because I am so caught up in the muddle that everyday life can become. I guess we all face these moments but I seem to be dwelling on them more and more all the time. I find myself drawn to self-help books and ways to help improve my home, my family, my health and so much more. I guess I am just looking, searching for an answer to this lost feeling I have right now.
The #1 thought on my mind lately is what in the world am I going to do when Sammie starts school? We are going to try and get her into preschool this year. If we get into the one that I want (which is just down the street from our house) then it is only for 2 hours, 2 times a week. That isn't very long and yet I find myself terrified of being alone in the house for even just that short amount of time.
This of course leads to the fact that next year she will be in Kindergarten for 4 hours every day. Then that leads to in just 2 years I am going to be by myself for 6+ hours every single day for 9 months...Momma is not liking this!
I think I understand now why the stigma about parents having a hard time with their last child is true. It is true because this is probably the last time any of the events are going to happen in your life, as you being the parent. I didn't cry when Sammie was out of diapers. I didn't cry when I got rid of all the baby supplies and clothes. Yet now, knowing that I will no longer have her by my side during the day brings great sadness to me, more so than any of her brothers. Honestly, I am scared out of my wits!!
Well, I guess I need to grow up sometime, but I won't deny it is something that leaves me greatly unsettled at the moment. I will just keep praying for answers and hope that I am ready to head them when they come. However, I may never get used to not having my chatterbox around me daily!!
Your feelings are normal, we all go through this as mothers. I have been witnessing these same feelings with Stacy and Branton. He started pre-school this year and all of a sudden changed from a little boy to a young man who thinks he is as big as his brothers and needs to do all that they do. Be patient with yourself and enjoy the moments. I won't say that I know how you feel, but I do. Separation is hard sometimes, but we thankfully are able to adapt. Be happy and know that you are loved. Mom
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